Sonia Jackson Myles: The Impact of Leading with Love in Divisive Times
The Founder of The Sister Accord® Foundation reflects on recently establishing a new chapter in South Africa, partnering with the Nelson Mandela Foundation, and the undeniable power of leading with love and kindness
Sonia Jackson Myles is an advisor and executive coach to startups and Fortune 500 companies and the founder of The Sister Accord® Foundation, a global organization dedicated to educating and empowering girls and women. The Continuum first sat down with Sonia in 2023 to discuss her 20-year career in corporate America, which included leadership positions at Ford Motor Company, Gillette Company, and Procter & Gamble.
Myles explained how The Sister Accord Foundation grew from her dedication to mentoring others and her realization of how women interacted in the workplace. She said, “Girls are socialized to compete and to not like themselves or each other. This starts at an early age. I wanted to use my experiences and voice to address and provide solutions for this global issue.” She established the foundation to break these patterns by educating girls and women, enlightening girls and women about the Power of Sisterhood, and eradicating bullying and violence against girls and women.
Her mission is to inspire one billion girls and women to understand their value and worth through leadership programs that enable healthy and positive relationships among each other. She moved closer to that goal recently when she traveled to South Africa to establish a new chapter in partnership with the Nelson Mandela Foundation.
The Continuum sat down with Sonia when she returned from the trip to reflect on what working with the Nelson Mandela Foundation meant to her, what she learned from this experience, and why it’s even more important now to lead with love in divisive times.
Let’s jump into your recent trip. Had you ever been to Africa before?
Yes, I had traveled to South Africa before and visited Johannesburg during my first visit when I was working for Ford Motor Company decades ago. I was leading a group responsible for purchasing all of the exhaust systems, and all of the precious metals that were going into the catalytic converters were being mined in Africa. So, I had the opportunity to go to South Africa then, and I must say that experience changed the trajectory of my life.
I saw what true hope looks like. We throw the word hope around a lot, but the people I met were different. They were living in severe poverty, in some cases, with no running water and no electricity. Yet they still had hope and joy. Coming from the United States, I hadn’t seen poverty like that. It took me to another level of compassion for humanity. I’d already realized that servant leadership was important to me and had made a commitment to take care of my group and to offer mentoring and coaching outside of my group. But that visit helped me understand why this was so important and why I had to bring my dreams of reaching girls and women to life.
I always knew that I wanted to bring The Sister Accord Foundation to Africa. It was always part of my strategy. If I’m going to get to a billion girls and women learning how to love themselves and each other, Africa had to be in the mix.
What did it mean to you to go back and establish a chapter in partnership with the Nelson Mandela Foundation?
It was a full-circle moment. I remember sitting in my dorm room getting ready to graduate from graduate school when we got the breaking news that Nelson Mandela was being released from prison. I started to weep. I was young, so I hadn’t named my leadership style yet, but I was always very empathetic and felt we could do better in how we treat each other.
I paid much attention to Mandela's journey after he was released. What amazed me was that so many people wanted him to hate. They wanted him to be angry with those who had imprisoned him, but he chose love instead. He led with love. He felt that his role was to bring people together. So much of what I do today, and so much of who I am, is in lockstep with Nelson Mandela's philosophy on leadership and that commitment to healing and bringing people together.
To have the opportunity to partner with his foundation was mind blowing to me. It is the stuff that dreams are made of. And to have the launch at Sanctuary Mandela, which was his former home in Johannesburg, was amazing and so meaningful.
You met some people who were important in Nelson Mandela’s story during your trip. Can you tell us about them?
At our launch, I had the honor of presenting The Sister Accord Leadership Award to Sophia Williams De Bruyn. She is the last living leader of the 1956 Women's March. The march included 20,000 women of all races who were protesting a new law designed to restrict the movement of Black, Indian, and Colored women in the country. Leaders of the march delivered petitions to the government that read, “We, the women of South Africa, have come here today. We African women know too well the effect this law has upon our homes and our children. We, who are not African women, know how our sisters suffer. For to us, an insult to African women is an insult to all women.”
That sisterhood was so powerful to me when I read it, and it was wonderful to meet Ms. De Bruyn. She told the audience at the launch that our mission to improve the lives of women through education and love is a “gigantic and most noble leap.” In her speech, she also said,” My emotions are running all over me as I have today experienced so much love. Thank you so much for what you have done for me.”
I also met Jack Swart. Mr. Swart was Nelson Mandela’s warden when he was in jail and cooked and cleaned for him during the last 14 months of his imprisonment at Victor Verster Prison. The two men became very close. Swart traveled with us to Robben Island, where Mandela was imprisoned. It was one of the most incredible experiences I’ve had in my life.
What struck me the most was how the system told these two men they should hate each other. They were supposed to be adversaries. But, again, these two men chose love and respect. They became brothers! We can all learn so much from this about what it means to see the humanity in others.
In so many places around the world and on so many issues, we’re at a crossroads. It is so important to be on the right side of history and to make sure that some of the terrible things that happened in humanity’s past aren’t repeated. We must find ways—like these two men did—to lead with love. It doesn’t mean we have to agree on everything. I think people get confused about that. Groupthink isn’t good for organizations or societies; you want people to be able to ask questions and challenge ideas. The way to do that is grounded in respect. Ultimately, Swart and Mandela respected each other.
“Groupthink isn’t good for organizations or societies; you want people to be able to ask questions and challenge ideas.”
You work with a lot of C-Suite executives on leading with love. What lessons did you take from your trip that you think would help business leaders here in the United States?
One thing I took away from meeting Jack Swart is that we must seek to find love and respect in our business relationships regardless of what the system tells us to believe. Let’s say you get a promotion that comes with a new boss, and people tell you that this person is really hard to work with. If you go into the new role assuming your new boss is awful and relating to them as though they are awful, you won’t be able to build a relationship on respect. I’m not saying totally ignore other people’s experiences, but some of the people I was told were terrible turned out to be people I loved working with. My advice is simply not to adopt the groupthink mentality before you have a chance to get to know someone for yourself.
Another thing that this trip reinforced for me was the importance of what I call #heartwork. All employees and leaders need to know themselves and what they bring to the table that will drive innovation. Organizations need everyone to bring their gifts, talents, unique views, and experiences to the table. This means engaging in self-reflection, building your own leadership style, understanding what works for you, and being able to communicate clearly and transparently is critically important.
Finally, I think it’s really important that people lead with kindness. To be clear, being kind is different than being nice. People think kindness is a weakness, but it takes great resilience and a high level of emotional intelligence to be kind. Leading with kindness starts with communicating clearly and transparently. You have to be clear and transparent to be able to hold people accountable. This generation of employees, in particular, wants to hear exactly what you want from them; they don’t want to have to interpret it.
“People think kindness is a weakness, but it takes great resilience and a high level of emotional intelligence to be kind.”
What does leading with kindness look like when you're dissatisfied with somebody's performance?
When you are dissatisfied with someone's performance, leading with kindness says that you meet with the person and are very specific about where they are missing the mark. Leaders often admit to me that they’re afraid of having frank conversations, but leading with kindness is also leading with courage. Often, I will say we have to build the courage muscle and have courageous conversations. You have to do it in a respectful way. We're not talking about being mean and tearing people down. If someone is missing the mark, it’s important to tell them the specifics around it and, in many instances, role model what success looks like.
One of the other things that I talk about a lot is helping people in your organization tap into their greatness. Our education system isn’t set up for most people to understand what’s unique about them. We never really help people understand how to tap into their superpowers (gifts) in a way that allows them to bring these talents and skills to the workforce. Sometimes, the opposite happens. I remember when I was coming up, I would say I was terrible with numbers because that’s what other people were saying, but that really wasn’t my truth. I actually love numbers. I find that people will do that a lot; say things like they’re not tech savvy, but when I get them to set all their fear aside and understand how to leverage technology for good, they realize they’re not bad with technology after all.
A lot of my work is about building confidence in people, helping them tap into the essence of who they are, and giving them tools to move to their next level of excellence. That’s also part of leading with kindness.
“Leaders often admit to me that they’re afraid of having frank conversations, but leading with kindness is also leading with courage.”
What will the Sister Accord Foundation South Africa be doing moving forward?
We’ve received donations from businesses and organizations in the United States that allow us to provide scholarships and business grants after each of our Celebration of Sisterhood Leadership Development Tea Parties. We’re getting ready to open the application process for attendees from our South Africa Tea Party. The scholarships will go to students who are heading to or are currently in university or women who have started a business or have an idea for a business.
In addition to helping individual women, we want to inspire hope across the country, as boys and men are an important part of The Sister Accord’s work and mission. South Africa is having an important election on May 29th. People are saying that this election is historical and will be as important as the 1994 election in which Nelson Mandela was elected. Some of the people I talked to on my trip said that, like the 1994 election, this election will hopefully bring people together to preserve Mandela’s dream for democracy.
It felt like the right time to launch The Sister Accord Foundation in South Africa. It would be great if we can play a role in energizing people, inspiring hope, and helping them look toward the future in a positive way. While I was there, I was given the South African name Naledi – which translates into a bright, radiant star. The person who gave me the name told me that I was a North Star, giving people hope not only in South Africa but around the world! That really touched my heart!
May 14, 2024
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